Tuesday 26 December 2017

A Funny Marketing Email

A few weeks ago I received an email from someone, offering me their marketing services.

And it was hilarious because the person who sent it obviously knew nothing about marketing and it was one of the worst pieces of marketing I've ever seen.

I actually read it through several times and each time it seemed even funnier as I noticed more things that were wrong with it.

Below is the email --

"Hi Ruth Barringham,

This is Jerry I hope you are doing well.

I am checking in to see if you are looking for Digital Marketing, Web Development, Content Marketing and Application Development business partners for your company branding and new business development.

We also expertise in:

Digital Marketing, Content Marketing, Application Development, Website Redesigning, Web Development, CRM, Ecommerce, Portal Development, B2B and B2C Email Data Leads, SEO (Search Engine Optimization), ORM (Online Reputation Management), SMO (Social Media Optimization), LinkedIn Marketing, Email Marketing, Lead Generation, Branding, Graphic Design, Logo Design, Image Editing, YouTube Marketing etc.

Our clients include top brands who swear by our services.

Please let me know if you need more information and we can discuss further steps.

Regards,
Jerry
Web Marketing Executive [INDIA]"

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My usual response is to move emails like this to my junk folder and block the sender.

But this time I just couldn't resist giving some constructive criticism.

So below is the response that I sent --

"Ha ha.

This is hilarious.

A marketing person who can't even market themselves.

What do I mean by that?

No mention of your company name. No website to direct me to.

Your opening sentence should have been two sentences (very poor start), as in "This is Jerry. I hope you are doing well." See. Two sentences. And that also tells me absolutely nothing about who you are or what you are offering me, not even a surname, which immediately makes people very suspicious right from the start.

You say "We also expertise in..." without first explaining what else you think you're an expert in.

You claim you have big name clients, but don't name them.

You claim they "swear by our services" but offer no testimonials.

And at the end of the email, there is no "call to action."

Nothing.

Just a tepid "let me know" and that's it.

Clearly I know more about marketing than you do.

This is possibly one of the WORST marketing emails I've ever received.

And I get a lot.

I think I'll use this email as a teaching aid of how NOT to construct a marketing email.


P.S. Also your ending of telling me what to do if I want to stop receiving emails from you, tells me immediately that this email is spam because I never signed up to receive emails from you so why do I need to unsubscribe? Always a dead giveaway of a mass commercial mailing, which is really insulting to the person receiving it."

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Naturally, I didn't hear from them again. Afterall, what could they say? That I was wrong and their marketing email was first class?

But you may be wondering why I'm telling you this.

It's because there's an old saying, that in order to be successful, you have to act as though it's already happened.

In other words, "Fake It Till You Make It."

But that doesn't mean to send out substandard work like this hopeless and hapless marketing "expert" did.

It means to feel the feeling of your goals already being achieved.

To act as though you've already made it and those thoughts and emotions will help you to see opportunities that you might otherwise have missed if you weren't thinking about your success.

And now is a great time to start working on your goals of being an online writer and self publisher.

So that you can begin Living The Laptop Lifestyle.

http://cheritonhousepublishing.com/books/LLS.html


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